i'm signing you up for texting rehab
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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