My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
