in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
