Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
