I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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