i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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