Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i now understand why vodka
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
