Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
