A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
