dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
