dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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