I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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