Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
