Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize