there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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