please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
