Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
