New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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