My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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