I don't usually arrange sex via text message
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
