OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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