my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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