so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
