You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
