WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
