remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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