Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
