You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
