Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
