Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize