Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize