Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Congratulations! We have a period
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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