@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
