It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
