OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
