so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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