I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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