just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
