i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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