I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize