i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
