Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
