you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
