Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just threw up on my dentist
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
