i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
