It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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