i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
