Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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