Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
