OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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