Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
