I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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