I wanna passion pit in your ass
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
