I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
