Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
