i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize