I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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