I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
