she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
