After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
