what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
