I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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