and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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