no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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