my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
