between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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