I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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