did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
