If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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