i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
