the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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