Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
