He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
