Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
