i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
