This is not my ceiling
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
